I've been trying to avoid writing about the events of the past few weeks following the Telegraphs revelations. The reason for my absence is simple; I had no wish to churn out the same platitudes time and time gain, that and the fact that in no way would I ever use the phrase, "Pigs in the trough", "Pigs with their snouts in the trough" or "Self-Serving pigs, with their snouts in the trough and probably up your bum, so there...".
Whilst this has been a dreadful few weeks for democracy and our political system as a whole, being known as a Labour party member has been something akin to being involved in animal torture. The ridicule, the scorn and disgust - directed both at the party and at myself for being stupid enough to support Brown and his rapidly sinking rowing boat.
Why, in that case do I still support the party? Why, when I really feel that I've had enough do I carry on regardless?
The only real answer to this is quite simple really....
I do not support New Labour. I am not a member of New Labour.
I am a very proud member of the Labour Party. Always have been, always will be.
I believe in equality for all. Opportunity for the many and not the few. I believe in a welfare state that lends a helping hand to those most vulnerable in society, including our greatest achievement - the National Health Service.
New Labour is dead. I mean really dead, rotting, causing one hell of a stink and classed as a great danger to public health.
In spite of all the turmoil, anger and tribulations - this can only be a good thing for all of us on the progressive left of the party. This may sound churlish twelve years later, but the fact is, voting for Blair was the lesser of two evils. Many of us were so happy to finally have a Labour Government that we'd probably have even supported James Purnell if we'd had too.
Blair and his colleagues began to strip away the heart and soul of the party - quite deliberately. They tool a calculated risk that even disaffected Labour voters had no where else to go, and at the same time won over the floating voters of middle England who were sick of Major and Tory sleaze.
What Blair did is unforgivable - he changed the party to such a degree, that here, today in 2009, it is almost unrecognisable to a large section of society. They betrayed the heart and soul of the party, stripped away the very essence that made us proud to be involved with the party in the first place.
Here, twelve years later we see the result, we are unelectable, our leader and Prime Minister appears to lost all authority over his ministers and MPs,he appears weak, and spends far too much time dithering over decisions where quick,decisive action is required.
There are dark days ahead for us, make no mistake.
Should we change leader at this stage? Until this week, I would have answered no to that question. To change leader at this stage would mean calling a general election shortly after. There would be only one outcome to this - slaughter. The party would be destroyed, and Cameron would be handed an election victory based not on the strength of his own policies, but on the public hatred and disgust at Labour.
Twelve months on, we may still suffer a very heavy defeat, however I don't believe that things would be quite as disastrous as the result of an early election.
So, do we stick with Brown, in the vain hope that he can regain his moral authority over the cabinet and the PLP. Or, do we call on Alan Johnson to save us? In all honesty, at this moment in time I really don't know the answer to that question.