Monday, 19 May 2008

George Bush - Comedy Genius

I’ve realised over the weekend just how fortunate we are to be in the midst of such a golden period for piss poor political memoirs. Forget all about loyalty, self-respect, or God forbid honesty; our three favourite literary titans have been sticking the knife in quicker then
Jack the Ripper on a quiet night out in Whitechapel. Of course, my personal award for such gross crassness can only go to one person, and that person is everyone’s favourite “socialist” Cherie Blair.

Obviously, the press has been full of obnoxious quotes from this tome of shit all weekend, (also known as “Speaking for my Bank Account”). It would be far, far too easy to mention the slightly disturbing contraception equipment episode – however, the thought of this is so horrible that one wonders if she carries a very small member of Opus Dei around in her luggage at all times – just in case…..

However, my favourite quote so far refers to Gods representative on Earth – George W Bush.

We’re indeed so very fortunate that our Cherie is such a fantastic ‘judge’ of character, otherwise we might have overlooked the following valuable piece of information:

“George is actually a very funny, charming man with a quirky sense of humour. No one can say that he doesn’t have a sense of humour.”

Well, thank you so much for pointing this out to us all Cherie. All this time I’d just assumed that Bush was just a war mongering, dangerous, Christian fundamentalist, idiotic buffoon. It just goes to show how easy it is to misjudge someone – with this in mind; here are a few of his more hilarious ‘quirky’ jokes….

"The regime . . . has aided, trained and harboured terrorists, including operatives of Al Qaeda. The danger is clear: using chemical, biological or, one day, nuclear weapons, obtained with the help of Iraq, the terrorists could fulfil their stated ambitions and kill thousands or hundreds of thousands of innocent people in our country, or any other."

Oh, George!!! Stop it!!!!

"Saddam Hussein has longstanding, direct and continuing ties to terrorist networks. Senior members of Iraqi intelligence and Al Qaeda have met at least eight times since the early 1990s. Iraq has sent bomb-making and document forgery experts to work with al Qaeda. Iraq has also provided al Qaeda with chemical and biological weapons training. We also know that Iraq is harbouring a terrorist network, headed by a senior Al Qaeda terrorist planner."

PLEASE STOP!!! You’re killing me!!!!

Q) What’s the first sign of madness?

A) Suggs walking up your driveway……..

That really is enough.........

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